The Power of "Yes and..."

I love having my nieces and nephew over. One of their favorite things to do when visiting is dump out every last one of my Dungeons and Dragons miniatures on the living room floor, then set up epic scenes, with elaborate stories, fantastical battles and improbable outcomes.

An orc bartends with his imp companion as their best friend in the world (a kobold) naps on his favorite bed. All while goblins attack a castle defended by a purple dragon and his pet velociraptor

But, inevitably, disagreements arise. Not even in a world of fantasy can siblings agree with each other for a whole afternoon. "My panther is going to bring the purple dragon his favorite dinner!" declares my niece. "No she isn't! That's not what happens!" protests my nephew. Classic. The story, the fun and the cooperation all came to a grinding halt.

As I watched it all unfold, a flash of recognition hit me. This is improv! Not only that. This is BAD improv! They were NOT "yes, and-ing" each other! The nerve of some kids.

For the uninitiated, the first lesson you learn in improv 101 is, you always "Yes, and" your partner. Affirm the narrative, then add to it. So if I say "My panther is going to bring the purple dragon his favorite dinner!" you darn well better reply with "Yes, and his favorite dinner is roasted goblin!"

I explained. We all tried again. And you know what happened? Everybody had a lot more fun! The dragon and panther became fast friends and allied themselves against the encroaching goblin horde! They went on to have a multitude of exciting adventures, none of which would have been possible without the power of "Yes, and".

Is this a great lesson for kids? Certainly. A perfect demonstration of how good improv is done? Of course. But most importantly, it's something we can all apply to our daily lives. "No, but" stops life in it's tracks. "Yes, and" moves us all forward together.

Keep that in mind the next time somebody wants to try something new at work, a family member wants to change your favorite routine, or a friend wants to organize a gathering with a theme you don't love. Instead of denying, say "Yes" and add to it. That way you can craft the scenario into something you all created together!